Today I read 2 Nephi 9 which is one of my all time favorite
chapters in the Book of Mormon. But at the same time it makes me a little
sad for myself. Jacob says that his soul abhorreth sin. Lately I
have been thinking about my standing before God. To my chagrin I find
that my soul does not abhor sin, but rather it is a struggle to keep myself
clean. I say that, but it is not really the truth. I do not
struggle against sinning, but rather my soul desires to sin. My
weaknesses beset me and as such my natural man desires to return to my sins, to
find carnal pleasure. My soul does not shake at the appearance of sin but
rather I have to make a conscious choice to not find pleasure in it. Why
is that? I am making my choice by my actions, so why is it that my nature
is not changing? Why have I not experienced the mighty change of
heart? When does the Lord help me have the change of heart so my desires
become righteous? The truth is I don’t know. I will just have to
keep choosing the righteous path and hope that the Lord will one day reward me
with a change of heart. Until tomorrow.
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