Today I read Doctrine and Covenants section 25 which is a revelation given to Emma Smith, Joseph's wife. I am sure most scriptorians out there will be familiar with this chapter where Emma is commanded to create the first hymnal. This section also contains the famous verse that the song of the heart is a prayer unto the Lord.
But the verse and phrase that stood out to me this time was right at the very end of the section. Emma is commanded to let her soul delight in her husband. This really hit home to me today for some reason. As I look around at the world, I have noticed that with the exception of the newly weds of just a few weeks and months, very few people actually delight in their spouse.
We see it all the time on TV, couples who fight non-stop. Couples who nitpick at each other. Couples who nag each other. People like to laugh at it but those stereotypes are built upon a truth. Just like I have never actually met a true to life politician but they are almost always portrayed the exact same way in main stream media so it stands to reason there is a reason for that. So it is with the married couple. Invariably in almost all sitcoms where there is a married couple, at least one of them is going to be portrayed as unhappy.
So if our entertainment is a reflection of our society, and it truly is, why are so many married couples unhappy? Why do 49%, or whatever the number is now, of marriages end in divorce? The obvious answer is selfishness or pride. They are putting themselves ahead of the needs of their spouse. No marriage is ever going to work or be happy for very long if one or both of the partners are selfish. Like any partnership, both parties need to do what's best for all involved. That includes a LOT of sacrifice.
So what does it mean to have one's soul delight in their spouse? Well, to me that indicates that they should be your source of joy. That they should be your best friend, the person you CHOOSE to spend all your time with, not just that you are stuck together. Think of your best friend in the entire world. The person that if you could have your choice you would spend all of your time with. Think how happy you are to see them and how they know you better than anyone else on the planet. If the person you are thinking of is not your spouse, then there is a problem according to this scripture. That is how I see it.
Think about when you leave work to come home at the end of a long, tiring day. Are you excited to go home and see your spouse knowing the he or she will be there for you and listen to you and make you feel better just to see them? Or do you dread going home because you now have to put up with your spouse and noisy kids? If the answer is the latter, then you are not taking delight in your family as you should be. When I come home from work everyday, I am extremely excited to see my wife and daughter, even though my little girl is almost always asleep when I get home. But I know my wife will be so glad to see me and give me a hug and all my cares that I came home with just don't seem quite so important anymore.
Another test to see if you are taking delight in your spouse is how often do you all argue and down right fight? WHAT are you fighting about? My wife and I almost never fight and we only argue a very little and it is usually just a result in some little thing that the other did that annoyed us and the other person is tired or frustrated about something too so it escalates a little bit. I cannot ever remember us fighting about money and cannot imagine why people do. I guess people just go off and spend money without talking about it first with their spouse. My wife keeps the books in our family and even then, with the exception of groceries she always tells me when she is spending money that is outside of bills and groceries. If I spend even a dollar out of our account I check with her first to make sure it won't throw off our budget. I guess it's selfishness that leads to fights about money, because otherwise I don't see how anyone can fight about money. If you feel you don't have enough of it, then go do something about it. Don't yell at your spouse because you feel there is not enough money to do what you want to do after all your needs are met.
Your spouse should be your best friend and closest confidant. They should be the person you call first with good or bad news. Now, just like with other close friends sometimes you need a break from them and so I am not saying you can't have other interests or go out at times without your spouse, but when you do and you are away from them for a period of time, you should miss them and be excited to see them again. I will say this, unless your spouse is doing something really, really wrong, like cheating on you or being abusive or other things along that vein, if you don't delight in your spouse, there is something wrong with you, not them. It's time to take a long hard look at yourself and find out why they are not your best friend and do something about it. After all, wouldn't you rather the person you have to share your home and even bed with be someone you like to be around and enjoy their company? I mean it's just common sense.
Now go tell your spouse you love them and find 1 new thing that you love about them and tell him/her about it! Until tomorrow.
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