Today I read Matthew 19, which the first half of the chapter reminded me of when we read Moses 3 and talked about marriage being eternal, even from the beginning. Once again, the Pharisees, come to Christ trying to trap Him by, supposedly, hiding behind the law of Moses. This time, they are trying to trick Him on the matter of marriage. They know Jesus is trying to teach the Jews to live the higher law and rightly so, they guess that Jesus will say that one should not get divorced. So they try and trap Him by stating that Moses taught it was ok to get divorced as long as you give a written bill of divorcement. Jesus replies that it was because of the hardness of the hearts of the Jews that Moses was allowed to teach that divorce was an option.
Jesus however teaches them that one should not put away their spouse save in causes of fornication, or adultery, is in the wrong. I have always wondered about this. Because there are most certainly instances where people get divorced for reasons other than adultery and I personally think it is justified. For example any form of abuse in my opinion is simply intolerable and if it is not rectified immediately, should not be allowed to continue. So on the one hand I don't want to say I disagree with the Savior, but I do I guess. I agree that any man and any woman who both go into the marriage agreeing to put the others interest before their own and actively work at making it work all the days of their lives, will have a good, solid, and perchance even a happy marriage. The problem though, is one or both parties do not actively work at it all the days of their lives. One side gets tired of trying and starts to become selfish, doing only what they desire or they want to do all the time. The other side resents the first side and so starts to complain and cracks in the foundation start to appear.
There are many, many, MANY ways a marriage can fail. But thankfully there are also very many ways that a marriage can succeed as well. There is no 1 surefire method that is going to work for every couple. There are principles though that will work in every marriage and will keep it strong and keep it going but the implementation of those principles are vast and varied as many married couples will tell you. We've already mentioned one of the principles, to put the needs and desires of your spouse ahead of your own. As long as both partners do that fully and completely, nothing will tear you apart, nor will you WANT to be torn apart. Service begets love and you cannot serve someone for very long without growing to love them. When you couple that with the romantic love that begins most marriages, it will forge a bond stronger than any superglue could ever hope to match.
Another principle that every marriage needs is a willingness to forgive. Everyone makes mistakes and especially a newly wed couple. You are learning all about the person and what makes them tick and what you can do to please them etc and you are bound to step on toes at least once, it will happen. But if you are willing to forgive your spouse for the things she/he does that will drive you crazy, or worse, break your heart, then you will be able to weather any storms life throws at you. In my personal opinion, it is not enough to stay married no matter what, you need to stay happily married. Why else did you get married if not to be happy? Again, that is my personal opinion and I understand some might disagree with me. But I plan on not only being married to my wife for eternity, but to be happy about that fact!
Those are really the only universal principles I can name for a happy, lifelong, or eternal, marriage. Everything else is semantics and how people make it work for them. Because I believe in God, I personally think that one needs to involve God in their marriage to make it work, but there are plenty of atheist couples out there who make it work so that is why I did not name having God be part of your relationship as an essential key to making marriage work. But don't let anyone tell you their is the only way it is going to work, unless their way is selfless love and service with forgiveness in their heart. Many people will tell you ways that it works for them and I think that is wonderful. We can always learn something from others experience. Last October in our church's general conference, one the Twelve Apostles, Elder Richard G. Scott, gave a very wonderful, very helpful for many talk on how he and his wife made their marriage work and made it so wonderful. I took away many things that I could be doing better in my own marriage from that talk. I hope all those who listened to it or read it later also took away something they could use in their own marriage. It is always wonderful to hear good advice and examples of those who have gone on before and how they managed it.
The rest of the chapter contain a story of a person coming to Christ and asking what they need to do to obtain eternal life, to which the Savior replies they should live the commandments. When the young man replies that he has lived the commandments all his life, the Savior then replies he should sell all he has and give it to the poor and come follow Him. This the man does not do because he has great wealth and is loathe to part with it. The Savior then tells his Apostles that it is very hard for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of Heaven. He says this because, at least in those days, the rich are generally very haughty and full of pride and in love with their possessions. Now, I think in this day and age we have a great many men and women who are wealthy but not necessarily full of pride and frequently give generous donations to those in need. But having wealth is a great challenge and stumbling block for a lot of people, one that not many overcome on their own. As we will read later, Paul tells the early Saints that the love of money is the root of all sin. And right he was. Think of all the horrors that are committed out of the desire for money. People do things they never would have considered doing in their wildest dreams when offered enough money. I can never understand such thought processes. You can't take the money with you and it will not buy you eternal life, all it will do is make this brief snippet of a sojourn here on earth a little more comfortable.
But, I can understand if you come into money by good, wholesome means of your own labor, how it can be a stumbling block. A few years back when President Obama gave America some money as part of an economic stimulus package, the first thought I had was all the things I could buy with the amount of money I was to receive. I realized how foolish such a thought was almost immediately and I am happy to report that I paid some bills instead, but the first impulse I had was to go spend it and do exactly what President Obama wanted me to do, go stimulate the economy! Wealth is indeed a stumbling block few people overcome on their own, if at all. I firmly believe that those who can't handle it, are not tested with it and that is one reason why some people never become wealthy beyond what their needs are, because they would not be able to handle the temptation. Again, that is just my belief and opinion. But Paul tells the saints in Corinth that they will not be tempted above that which they are able to bear, so it makes sense.
I have always been content to make enough for my families needs, and a little more to make our lives a bit more comfortable. I'm not sure I could handle the test of wealth. I guess time will tell. I know that if I am called upon to face that test, the first thing I will do is fall to my knees and ask for help. Fortunately, if such a thing happens to me, I know it will because I am strong enough to pass the test if called upon and will be able to move the work forward for the Lord wherever I am. And that is what we are here to do after all. Until tomorrow.
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