Today I read Helaman 15, I can still remember when I learned the principle that Samuel teaches the Nephites in this chapter, that the Lord chastens those He loves. I was in college, attending BYU - Idaho at the time and I read that verse. I remember it struck me like a thunderbolt.
I can remember being a child and my parents would not let me do certain things that I wanted to do and saying what just about every child says in those situations, that if my parents loved me, surely they would just let me do this thing. I don't even remember any of the things that were so important and caused all the drama. I wonder if every person when they get older looks back on their childhood with chagrin and wonders what was wrong with me back then?
Anyway, as every parent well knows, chastening is an act of love. We chasten out of love because we want to correct poor behavior. The parent spanks the child who tries to play in the street out of concern. The parent scolds the child who tries to touch the bright red stove top out of fear. The parent grounds the teenager who stayed out too late because they are worried. And I could go on and on. To children this all just looks like parents being over protective and not trusting the children. Nothing could be farther from the truth in most cases.
The purpose of chastening is to improve behavior. If the parent in question did not care about the child, then improving the behavior would not be one of the parent's goals and no chastening would take place. But our parents do love us in most cases and the wise parent knows that being strict with the child is necessary. A parent who cares about their child's future knows the worst thing they can do is give their child everything the child wants. We have all heard the term tough love. It is a very apt statement. Sometimes the best thing for the children is to those things the child are sure will "kill" them.
Heavenly Father knows all of this too. He knows that the worst thing He can do for us is to say yes to every prayer we offer. He knows that in order to help us grow we need trials that push us and make us stronger. He knows that, as hard as it is, the best thing right now is to wait and be patient because what we truly need, and want if we only knew it, is just around the corner.
It can be hard thing to reconcile in our own minds, but we really only chasten those we love and want to grow. As we've said before, those who do not chasten their children either do not love them, or have a very incorrect interpretation of what love is and are for sure NOT preparing their children for the future. I'm sure such a statement would get me tarred and feathered by some, but it is the hard truth. If a parent gives in every time and gives their child everything, they are creating a VERY unreal expectation for their children and are not preparing their child for the future and that child is going to have a very hard life.
Such parents are confusing, for lack of a better term, short-term love for long-term love. They are only focusing on the hear and now and "proving" to their child that of course they love them, look at all they give them. The wise parent knows that such childhood storms will pass and the best thing they can do for the child is focus on their long-term future and prepare them for what is down the road and I am sure it is a very hard thing to do, but the rewards for such true love for ones child are eternal! Until tomorrow.
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