Today I read Doctrine and Covenants section 42 a section that lays forth in detail the way the Lord wants His church to be run. The last half of the section deals almost exclusively how to handle members of the church that have transgressed the law. However, that is not the part of the section that stood out to me.
I took a Doctrine and Covenants course while I attended BYU and in it I remember the professor commented on verse 22 of this section stating that it was the first time in scripture that the Lord had commanded us to love anyone other than Himself. That should tell you just how important the command is to love our spouse and non other as it states.
So what does it mean to love your wife, or husband, with all they heart? To me it means that they should be the most important person in your life. More important than your best friend of the same gender as you, more important than your parents, your siblings, even your children. This person should come first and foremost in your thoughts, your actions and desires/wants. I remember hearing long ago that the way to have a happy marriage is to ALWAYS put the needs of your spouse ahead of your own. It didn't say to put them ahead of your own some of the time, or when it's convenient, or when you've gotten a full night's rest, or when you feel well, it was to ALWAYS put their needs ahead of your own.
Now, the ideal is that your spouse will do the same for you in turn. Obviously, this is not happening or we would not be having a divorce rate as high as we do. It's sad to see so many people in marriages behave selfishly. And selfish behavior can manifest itself in many, many ways. It can show up as neglect on the part of one of the spouses, contempt, infidelity or even abuse in all it's forms. I am saddened whenever I see one or more spouses behaving in any of these fashions and even more saddened to realize it could all be fixed if they would both just start living for the other instead of for each other.
My wife has a saying that I like, "Some people are married and live like they are married, whereas some are married and live instead like two single people". Now, she does not say it exactly like that, but that is the gist of what she says. Some people, like I prefer to think of my wife and I, live like we are married and enjoy each others company. However, some people are married but live more like roommates than spouses. They live separate lives, have separate bank accounts that the other doesn't see, they have their own set of friends that don't overlap, they go out without each other frequently, they are, for all intents and purposes, roommates who occasionally have sex. Such a life I do not feel is in keeping with the Lord's command to love our wife/husband with all our hearts.
The second half of the commandment is to cleave to her and none else. This I think is a lot harder to do for some and goes a lot farther than I think most people think. To cleave to someone and none else means, to me, that you are emotionally faithful to your spouse and none else. This means that you are not emotionally involved with anyone else or anything. This means no looking at pornography, no inappropriate relationships with a member of the opposite sex. This one can be tricky because you cannot stop attraction. Just because you are married, if a pretty lady walks by or a handsome man, your impulse will still be to look and you will still feel an attraction to that person.
The key is to not get attached to that person. The best rule of thumb I have ever heard is to think to yourself, if your spouse was sitting right next to you, would you be doing/saying the same things with that person? If the answer is yes, then you are safe. But if the answer is no, you have some repentance to do and you need to take a serious look at that relationship and see if there is a need to sever it completely or can you salvage it to be an appropriate one? Again, the key is to remember would your spouse be ok with the type of communication you are having with that other person. You can always ask your spouse too if you are worried you might be venturing into the wrong territory.
Now, one last thing I want to share for some reason. Perhaps it will help someone somewhere but I feel compelled to share it. I had an epiphany some years ago. I was wondering once why pornography was against the commandments and what about it was inherently wrong, because it is. Sex in itself is not wrong, as long as it is within the confines of marriage, sex is not only ok, but is necessary for a healthy marriage. So what about pornography is wrong? Then it came to me that the problem with it, is because it is not real. It does not portray sex as being an act between two people who love each other let alone are married. And the people in those films/pictures etc, are all actors anyway! Everything about it is fake. Also, it's intent is to arouse the WRONG kind of passion in us. Passion for your spouse is totally acceptable and even encouraged, but as the scripture we have been talking about states, we are to cleave only to her/him. So having that kind of passion for another is completely wrong and out of line. That is not really anything new for 90% of you that will read this I am sure, but I felt impressed to share it, so perhaps someone needed to hear it.
I can tell you that having seen broken homes, marriages, people "fall out of love" and divorce all throughout my life and the pain and hurt it causes all people even REMOTELY connected to the people it is happening to, why wouldn't you want to love your spouse and cleave to them and them alone? It makes for such a happier life and I don't know about you, I just feel complete is the best way to say it. Before I met my wife I was missing something in my life and I was painfully aware of it. I would not give her up for the world and I hope you feel that way about your spouse too! Until tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment